The High Priestess of Repair
The Goddess of Grief
The Patron Saint of Self-Care
about this series
This series of work was created throughout my residency at the Bunkhouse at the Saskatoon Forestry Farm and Zoo. The first component of the residency focused on research centred around themes of healing, growth and navigating through trauma. I referenced a wide variety of books, resources, podcasts, and articles to better understand the effects of trauma and methods of recovery. I did this while focusing on self-care alongside support from an excellent team of professionals, including a psychologist, physiotherapist, osteopath, and naturopath – among several others. This allowed me to better understand how trauma has impacted my mind, body and nervous system. By prioritizing my illness, wellness and self, I am able to decrease my chronic mental and physical pain.
Influenced by my research and healing journey, I wrote a series of auto-fiction stories based on truth but filtered through my lens of perception and occasionally altered to protect parts of myself. Although I struggle with writing as self-expression, I find it beneficial to understand myself. Through writing, I can break down overwhelming topics into manageable pieces. I am able to step back, take space and see myself with more clarity and compassion. My usual process is to paint intuitively with little thought about what I am making. Afterwards, I find the meaning in the work, and there are always ties to other areas of my life. For this series, I did it the other way around. It was a much more challenging procedure, but yielded some powerful, cathartic results.
Unlike writing, working in the visual arts has been enjoyable and intuitive. Since 2010, I have focused on recovery and active self-care, with art-making as a central pillar of my journey. When I am not well, I create artwork to soothe myself; This work is a refuge - a place for me to release energy and calm my mind. When I am doing better mentally, I create expressive, personal pieces; This work is significant and helps me understand myself. I’ve always felt like they were separate processes, and that one was more valuable than the other, but I understand that they cannot exist separately. Both methods support me and allow me to release tension in different ways. I understand myself better through my work.
//Photos taken by Kathryn Trembach
The Goddess of Grief sits wearing a large, billowing pink dress. In her lap is a white two-story home with a peaked roof, several windows, and a small set of stairs that run over her forearm. Although the house looks idealistic in many ways, the bedroom on the second floor is on fire. Flames and smoke engulf the woman's arm, chest, and hair. She loosely holds onto the home, trying to handle it with care, despite the pain it causes her; she can't let it go because it is part of her. She dissociates and waits for this to pass. Head held high, amongst the clouds, as tears dry quietly on her cheeks
The Patron Saint of Self-Care sits curled up on the hard ground. Small buds of plants have begun to sprout up around her. She has five arms, all of which are trying to care for and comfort her; One brushes her hair, some caress her in an attempt to regulate her nervous system, and others sit awkwardly by, unsure of what to do. She has been crying for a long time, her skin is red, hot and tight. She is trying to soothe herself. Some people seem to get by just fine with two arms, but even with five arms, she is struggling to take care of herself. She will keep on trying. She will be kinder to herself. She will keep caring.
The High Priestess of Repair features a woman with brown hair in a messy bun atop her head. She has some remnants of makeup on and a look of exhaustion on her face. She has five arms; some people seem to navigate life just fine with two, while others could use more to attempt to care for themselves properly. In her hands is a tangled piece of thread, a needle and an old pair of metal scissors. She works with the tools she has in an attempt to repair, untangling the thread and trying to mend herself. An overgrowth of plants, an orange pink sky and several sun lined clouds surround her.